Why I’m Not Christian:Part 1

Okay, so I am not a Christian. Those of you who know me already, know this. Those who don’t–SURPRISE! I’m also not a Muslim, Jew, Hindu, Buddhist, or involved in any other organized religion. (Although, to be fair, Buddhism isn’t actually a religion.) I’m not going to be so satisfying as to give y’all a simple, easy to understand label to put on me. Call me a Gnostic Pagan if you must call me something, but don’t hold me to it. My spirituality is fluid and ever-changing. Which is how I think it should be.

Anyhoo…..back to the subject at hand. Why did I give up Christianity, and the obvious perks associated with being in the “God Club” in this society, to become a heathen? Short answer: I read the Bible.

Yep, sports fans, I read that book that I was exhorted to live by and found it to be one of the most horrific, heinous and hateful books I’d ever clapped eyes on. Then, with the assurance of the naive and innocent, I began to ask questions about it to those I trusted and saw as “good Christians”. Not only was I chastised for having the audacity to QUESTION THE BIBLE, but I was told I didn’t understand it.

Now, hold up one minute there, Sparky. I’m fucking smart. Real fucking smart. Painfully so. And here was some nearly illiterate, half-witted hot mess of  hillbillies telling ME I didn’t understand what was plainly and clearly written.

My ass.

I was deemed capable of understanding physics at age 13, but reading English and comprehending it was beyond me? I don’t think so.

So then I was told that I hadn’t properly studied it and come to the “right understanding”.(Which is Jesus-Speak for “you’re not mouthing the party line”.) You know, if something says, “on that day, you will surely die” that seems pretty clear to me. I don’t think there’s a mistranslation or misunderstanding. I think it means you will die. That day. However, if you know the verse of which I speak, Christians love to hedge this one. “It means a spiritual death” or “they became mortal” or “they were separated from God”. BULLSHIT. I think it was supposed to mean ‘dead’. As in no more heartbeat, body temp falls, rigor sets in, flesh decays, parted-this-mortal-coil DEAD.

And so it went over and over. I’d ask a question about some violent, hateful or terroristic act and I’d be told I didn’t understand or I’d taken it out of context. Can someone please explain to me in what context would it be okay to rip babies from the wombs of their mothers? Is that EVER okay? NO? I didn’t think so. Context be damned. Some shit ain’t right no matter what the circumstances.

So there’s big, fat, hairy reason Numero Uno why I’m now a member of the great unwashed instead of being a Christian.

BTW, if you’re a follower of some religion or other and read this and think I need conversion, praying for or a good preaching to,  kiss my pretty pink ass. If you’re not willing to listen to my way of thinking, I don’t want to hear yours. And proselytizers are NOT in the business of listening, are they?