All I Have To Do Is Stay White and Die.

I am heartily sick of strange men who don’t know me from the chick at the dry cleaners telling me what I HAVE to do or what I SHOULD do.

Boys, all I HAVE to do is stay white and die.

I don’t have to give you a chance. I don’t have to listen to your reasons. I don’t have to give you my attention or time. I don’t have to respect your point of view. In fact, I don’t have to do one damn thing…..except stay white and die.

Men have a most annoying habit of trying to make pronouncements on my life and well-being without knowing thing one about me. I’ve had men who didn’t even know my name telling me I NEED a man. I NEED a child. I NEED to get married.

Guys, y’all are all full of shit. Bags and buckets of steaming, reeking, vile shit.  

All this telling me what I “need” is a thinly veiled attempt at telling me what YOU WANT. YOU want a woman. YOU want a child. YOU want to get married. And you direct these desires toward me as if I have some social or biological obligation to fullfil your wish list. Y’all have lost your collective minds. In psychological circles, telling me I need what you desire is called ‘projection’. Look it up sometime.

Men really seem to hate it when a woman can live without a man. And I mean REALLY hate it. When I calmly state that I don’t need a man, have no desire for a child and don’t feel a need to get married, they either ask what’s wrong with me or, most usually, proceed to tell me what’s wrong with me. Seriously, nothing is wrong with me. I promise…..I’m fine. But NOOOOO, they just tell me what they think (read: launch into insults) anydamnway.

–You just need to find the right man.

–You’re just bitter.

–Everyone needs at least one child.

–It’s not good for you to be alone.

–You need a man to help you.

–You must be a lesbian.

–You just hate men.

For the record, I am not a bitter, angry, man-hating lesbian. In fact, there have been dozens of men that I have loved and still do love. Just because I haven’t felt the need to move one into my house and wash his underwear doesn’t make me a homosexual nutcase with anger issues. What I hate and what makes me angry is random strangers who don’t know jack shit about me telling me what I should or should not do!

What. The. Fuck.

Women seldom do this and when they do it’s usually some brainwashed Jesus-freak who’s trying to reconvert me. They stop when I tell them I’m Pagan and I don’t need their Zombie worshipping cannibal/death cult. Women are nice like that.

Men, on the other hand, will not shut the fuck up about whatever they have their teeth into and try to browbeat or argue me into their way of thinking. (Like they have a chance at that!)  I usually end up telling them off in eloquent and vivid terms that leaves them either confused or pissed off. And while that’s satisfying and oh, so enjoyable, it’s also time-consuming and I have shit to do.  The fact that I have to tell them off speaks DIRECTLY to the disrespect most men shovel at women as standard operating procedure.

Gentlemen, and I use that term to loosely, get the fuck off my ass with your wants, needs and desires. Get over the fact that I don’t feel like I have to have a man to feel fulfilled or happy. Get over my independence and my childless state. In short, Get over me. I don’t need you and I never will. Oh, sure, I might WANT a man from time to time, but I can always borrow one and put him back when I’m done. Don’t tell me what I SHOULD do or how I HAVE to behave because I’m not listening.

And remember, boys, all I have to do is stay white and die.

There’s a God Being Born in Iceland

There’s a God being born in Iceland

Conceived of lightning and lava and snow.

There’s a God being born in Iceland

And it’s likely no one will know

For this God being born in Iceland

Is born in the age of the mind.

No one will notice, even though they all see,

The birth of a God this time.

This God being born in Iceland

Is forged of fire and stone.

But this God being born in Iceland

will stand on the mountain alone.

No one will see her and worship.

No one will send her their praise.

She will stand in the North, in Iceland,

Alone for all of her days.

Yes, a God’s being born in Iceland

And I would like to be first

To see her and worship and send her a prayer

And welcome her on her birth.

The Friday Free-For-All!

So it’s Friday. We get one every week just like they planned it that way. Most of us look forward to Fridays……I know I do. So on Fridays, I’m going to post a few ideas I’ve had throughout the week and see what sails and what sinks.

Here goes:

—-My Mom goes home from rehab today. No, she wasn’t a drunk, although that might have been fun to watch coming from her. She fell and broke her arm and leg early last month and is now deemed well enough to go home. I wonder if this will encourage her to boost her calcium and exercise more or if she will end up bedridden. It’s a toss up. If she winds up bedridden, I’m getting her a nice Phillipino nurse and heavy sedation.

—-My nephew just went back to Afghanistan Monday. It’s such a waste…..he’s a wonderful, sweet, gentle, caring man with a wife and two kids. I wonder when our president will realize that NO ONE has ever won a war there and bring all our people home. Hell, If Ghengis Khan didn’t have a chance, you know for damn straight Barack Obama ain’t gonna be the first to do it.

—-I’m thinking about quitting smoking. I only smoke about two packs a week anyway. However, I read that living in Los Angeles and breathing that air is equavalent to smoking a pack a day. If I continue to live here in the swamp with all the clean air, is it the same as NOT moving to L.A.?

—-I have 14 dogs. Yes, that is fourteen. A lot of people want to think that’s a lot, however, 14 dogs is cheaper than one kid and less trouble than one man. I think the trade off works for me. I couldn’t feed a child on $26 a week. And the dogs don’t give me crap if I don’t cook.

—-I’ve decided that drinking is cheaper than therapy.

—-I’ve got a bet with a friend. He’s challenged me to only think of nice guys and look for nice guys for the next two weeks. I took him up. We shall see and report.

—-I have noticed that women who lose a bunch of weight get really mean. Has anyone else noticed this?

Okay. I’m done for now. I’m gonna get drunk and be stupid.

Stupid things people say. (Part 1)

 

1) “Life is short.”  BULLSHIT! Life is long. It is the longest thing you will ever do. I defy anyone to name one thing longer that everyone does for damn certain. (Mentions of the afterlife, no matter what variety you believe in, will be met with derision and scorn since they are all supposition and belief, not actual fact.)

2) “It was in the last place I looked.” Of course it was. No one keeps looking after they find what they are looking for.

 3) “Our relationship was good in the beginning.” This is ALWAYS said to justify hanging on to a bad relationship. It was obviously good in the beginning or it wouldn’t have become a relationship in the first place! However, two months of romantic bliss do not justify an abusive five-year relationship.

4) “I’m a good man.” This is the most useless thing a man can say. ALL MEN say this. Charles Manson said this. Ted Bundy said this. Hitler said this. OJ Simpson said this. Don’t say it…..just don’t say it.

5)”It’s complicated.” If you can’t decide if you’re single, married or in a relationship, either you’re remarkably stupid or you already have someone and want to add to the roster of people you can possibly fuck. Anyone who gets involved with someone who says this is an idiot…. or doesn’t mind being on a roster.

6) “I like to have fun.” Well, thank you, Captain Obvious. And here I was going through life with no pleasure or enjoyment at all! Of course you like to have fun! We all do. However, just saying that means NOTHING! What is your idea of fun? Skydiving? Competition Boggle? Horsehoes? Be fucking specific, people.

7) “I want a good man/woman.” Captain Obvious strikes again. Seriously, is specificity beyond people? How hard is it to describe your idea of a good man or woman? One man’s ‘good’ is another man’s ‘hell no’. If you don’t want to be stuck with some leftover, half-used, worn out ‘hell no’ make sure you know what you want and define that.

8 ) “Don’t judge a book by the cover”. Well on the surface, this seems reasonable. Then you realize that people aren’t books and that those who say this sort of thing are probably not worth the effort. Not everyone deserves a chance. You can tell by looking at some people if you wish to associate with them or not. People tend to tell who they are by how they dress and who they associate with. Go ahead. Judge that book by its cover.

9) “There’s someone for everyone.” Really. Got proof? I think this is self-comforthing bullshit of the first water. If there is someone for everyone, why do so many people die alone and lonely? How could anyone actually believe this piffle?

10) “Everythings always works out for the best.” Tell this to the woman who gets raped and winds up pregnant and HIV+ due to the attack. Who thinks up this shit?

Honestly, people, is it too much to expect you to THINK about what you say?

A few thoughts on pussy……

 

Why is it supposed to be an insult to call a man a pussy?

 When you think about, pussy is tough as shit…..you can poke it, prod it, pound it, fuck it, lick it, stick it, dick it, cock it, rock it and wear it like a glove. Pussy will bring a man to his knees….which is an ideal position for him to further appreciate the merits of pussy. Also, most men like pussy, so if you are calling someone you don’t like a pussy, are you saying you like him or that you don’t like pussy? And gentlemen, back me up on this, an hour of good pussy will knock a man out for hours.

 So how does it figure that pussy is weak?